Clearly I haven't kept up with my blogging every week thing. I apologize to all two of you whom actually care about and read my blog...seriously how do you go on without reading my witty takes on life in France every week?! Bless your hearts.
But seriously, it's been a while since I've written about Aix-en-Provence so I thought I'd summarize a bit now. Today marks the 2-month countdown to my return to the states. Nuts, right? It's going to be so hard to leave this beautiful town but alas, I cannot live in my fantasy world forever.
Over the past 6 months I've spent here, I've grown to love many-a-thing as well as create a deep boiling hatred for another.
Something I love: Eating lunch outside on a breezy spring day in a park or on a majestic fountain.
Something I hate: The swarm of exactly one million pigeons that surrounds you whilst you eat your lunch.
Something I love: The smell when you walk past one of the many Savon de Marseille shops or Lavande boutiques that makes your nose ever so happy.
Something I hate: The cigarette smell that automatically re-enters your nostrils after you've passed said shops, which is created by the crowds of oh-so posh young Aixois who look so damn cool but smell so damn strongly of Marlboro.
Something I love: The "Joie de vivre" attitude of the French. Who doesn't love wasting time drinking a shot of black coffee talking over deep tormenting issues?...or just starting class late everyday?
Something I hate: The "Joie de vivre" attitude when trying to get something done. Oh..the poste has a 2 hour lunch break today...how sweet..I guess I'll just sit here and get swarmed by flocks of pigeons for the next 120 minutes because waking all the way home is NOT happening.
Something I love: The fact that the university trusts that I'll retain my knowledge without giving me 3 hours of homework everyday..instead they give me zero.
Something I hate: Oh wait..I actually hate that because guess what, Sciences-Po? NOT RETAINING ANYTHING.
Something I love: The temperate weather here in the south of France. While everybody is freezing back at home, it's a nice 60 degrees in Aix.
Something I hate: The fact that now if it's 50 degrees or less I feel obligated to wear a heavy coat and scarf because otherwise I'll just freeze to death.
Something I love: HAVING AN H&M RIGHT HERE AT MY DISPOSAL.
Something I hate: Spending all of my money at H&M...
Something I love: Baguettes. Seriously what is life without baguettes? I don't think I can go back to that squishy stuff we call bread at home.
Something I hate: The fact that baguettes are stale after a day...so when I buy it, I have to eat the whole thing that day. Either that, or suck it up and get lock-jaw tomorrow.
Damn, I love France.
And I hate that I have to leave in two months.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
How I Recovered from Homesickness Abroad
Over the holidays I felt a SERIOUS type of homesickness. I honestly wanted to drop everything and go home. I'm assuming I felt this way because most of the friends I had made for the semester went home AND it was Christmas...the happiest holiday filled with family and laughter and tradition and food..and I spent it sick in a hotel room in London. If that doesn't make someone homesick I'd wonder whether or not that person even has a home.
However after about 3 weeks of legitimately HATING France and everything about it, I started school again, made new friends, and remembered why I loved Aix-en-Provence and on a larger scale, Europe.
When I was freaking out about my desperate need to return home, my friends and family got the worst of it. I'm apologizing here for my constant complaining and not believing you when you'd say, "once you start school again, I know you'll be happy again." You know who you are. Thank you for dealing with my melodramatic ass.
Also, I received gifts from my best friend Alyssa for my birthday/Christmas that were basically the epitome of Zoë in a box and those presents meant so much to me!! Knowing that I still have friends back home who love me and think of me (even if we talk much less than usual) gives me the strength to see the world in a positive light and make the most of my time abroad!
I just got another package from home today that was my mother's Valentine's gift complete with gummy Krabby Patties and a Nerds Rope (my favorites). Also inside the box was a LOT of gifts from my sister Haviland for my birthday/Christmas that were highly reminiscent of my childhood. There was a DVD of The Pagemaster-one of our favorites growing up- a black tattoo choker with a mood stone, and some vanilla hand cream and soap. However the best gift of all, and I'm not sure how she pulled it off, was an EXACT replica of the white blanket I slept with every night as a kid. I stole my original white blanket from my mom when I was like, 3, and slept with it up until it was a bunch of tatters with patches and a backing so it wouldn't fall apart...I think I was maybe 7 or 8. That thing was my lifeline. To make this gift even more perfect, she had my Mamanana wash it and keep it at her house until it was shipped to me so it would smell like her house. If you know me at all, you know that my grandparents' house is my absolute favorite place to be. The 5-year-old Zoë inside me is crying with happiness (and the 21-year-old Zoë on the outside cried quite a bit too). As juvenile and silly it seems to receive a "White Blankey" for my 21st birthday, it was exactly what I needed as a reminder that even though I'm over 4,000 miles away from home, I have an amazing family that loves me to return to and I couldn't be more blessed!
In addition, I'm completely over all the homesick feelings so thank you again to everyone who supported me. Actually I want to stay in Europe forever now.
However after about 3 weeks of legitimately HATING France and everything about it, I started school again, made new friends, and remembered why I loved Aix-en-Provence and on a larger scale, Europe.
When I was freaking out about my desperate need to return home, my friends and family got the worst of it. I'm apologizing here for my constant complaining and not believing you when you'd say, "once you start school again, I know you'll be happy again." You know who you are. Thank you for dealing with my melodramatic ass.
Also, I received gifts from my best friend Alyssa for my birthday/Christmas that were basically the epitome of Zoë in a box and those presents meant so much to me!! Knowing that I still have friends back home who love me and think of me (even if we talk much less than usual) gives me the strength to see the world in a positive light and make the most of my time abroad!
I just got another package from home today that was my mother's Valentine's gift complete with gummy Krabby Patties and a Nerds Rope (my favorites). Also inside the box was a LOT of gifts from my sister Haviland for my birthday/Christmas that were highly reminiscent of my childhood. There was a DVD of The Pagemaster-one of our favorites growing up- a black tattoo choker with a mood stone, and some vanilla hand cream and soap. However the best gift of all, and I'm not sure how she pulled it off, was an EXACT replica of the white blanket I slept with every night as a kid. I stole my original white blanket from my mom when I was like, 3, and slept with it up until it was a bunch of tatters with patches and a backing so it wouldn't fall apart...I think I was maybe 7 or 8. That thing was my lifeline. To make this gift even more perfect, she had my Mamanana wash it and keep it at her house until it was shipped to me so it would smell like her house. If you know me at all, you know that my grandparents' house is my absolute favorite place to be. The 5-year-old Zoë inside me is crying with happiness (and the 21-year-old Zoë on the outside cried quite a bit too). As juvenile and silly it seems to receive a "White Blankey" for my 21st birthday, it was exactly what I needed as a reminder that even though I'm over 4,000 miles away from home, I have an amazing family that loves me to return to and I couldn't be more blessed!
In addition, I'm completely over all the homesick feelings so thank you again to everyone who supported me. Actually I want to stay in Europe forever now.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
"You're not having a heart attack."
Okay I want to address a very large personality flaw of mine, not for condolences or advice, but to mainly get it all out there and hopefully someone reading this will feel less crazy after doing so.
I am a hypochondriac. Probably the worst one I know. For those of you who do not understand this term, it is easier explained as "health anxiety."
I know exactly when I became a hypochondriac actually. I was a normal, careless, happy child until one day I passed out while serving in Catholic mass in the fifth grade. I'm not sure what triggered the fear, because I had passed out before that incident and it didn't scare me. However, after that happened I was basically unable to attend mass without feeling like I was going to pass out. I danced all my life and performed in front of people every year but after my fifth grade year I developed this awful case of stage fright, making me think I was going to faint on stage. It started out as a severe irrational fear of fainting, until a month or so later we read, The Hatchet in class.
If anyone has read The Hatchet, you know that in the beginning of the novel, an airline pilot has a heart attack and crashes his plane in some unknown territory, setting up the plot of the story. When we read that chapter aloud in class, we also talked about the symptoms and signs of having a heart attack. Literally every night of my fifth grade year after we read The Hatchet I gave myself heartburn from worrying that I was going to have a heart attack. Then the heartburn made my fear so indescribably horrifying that I couldn't sleep! I'm sure I about drove my mother nuts waking her up at night thinking I was dying. She'd just give me Tums and tell me to relax and eventually the heartburn went away and I'd get over it..until the next night.
In my health class that year, we had to write 2 papers over diseases or disorders, but if I thought about a disease for over a minute, I automatically had it so I bent the rules and wrote my papers over dry skin and chapped lips. I'm not sure how I got away with that.
Another thing I remember is watching something on television about a schizophrenic and then forever being afraid that I would go crazy.
In the sixth grade, we read a book about a blind person and then I was terrified that I was going to lose my sight.
In the seventh grade, a girl in my town became paralyzed from some sort of disorder and then I feared that I would one day wake up and not be able to move.
My sophomore year, a friend of mine told me her dad got in a wreck with another woman who had a seizure while driving on the highway. Aaaaaand guess who was afraid to drive on highways until last year?
The worst part is, I still fear that the same things are going to happen to me! I STILL have fits of fear when I get chest pains or something goes numb. I also have a problem with searching illnesses on webMD, thinking it would make me feel better, but it always makes me feel MORE like I'm dying.
Another thing is that I always know I'm just being anxious, and even if I tell myself "Zoë, you're fine" a million times a minute, I still think I'm dying!
I have to message my sister or best friend usually every time I freak out just to have them tell me, "You're not having a heart attack/stroke" and distract me from my thoughts to get over it.
I'm going to be honest, even typing about these things is giving me anxiety. I know that my sister has this problem and I think my uncle as well, though I'm not sure how severe. I wonder if this is something hereditary and it was bound to happen, or if the whole thing was triggered by fainting one morning because I didn't eat breakfast.
If it's not hereditary, I REALLY regret not eating breakfast.
However, there's nothing I can do now except try to freak out less (which I really have improved a lot since the fifth grade). I hope the other hypochondriacs out there got a laugh out of this because you know you're just as ridiculously obsessed with your health as me and you can't help it.
Here's a clip from the film The Switch with Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston that I found particularly humorous concerning hypochondria.
I am a hypochondriac. Probably the worst one I know. For those of you who do not understand this term, it is easier explained as "health anxiety."
I know exactly when I became a hypochondriac actually. I was a normal, careless, happy child until one day I passed out while serving in Catholic mass in the fifth grade. I'm not sure what triggered the fear, because I had passed out before that incident and it didn't scare me. However, after that happened I was basically unable to attend mass without feeling like I was going to pass out. I danced all my life and performed in front of people every year but after my fifth grade year I developed this awful case of stage fright, making me think I was going to faint on stage. It started out as a severe irrational fear of fainting, until a month or so later we read, The Hatchet in class.
If anyone has read The Hatchet, you know that in the beginning of the novel, an airline pilot has a heart attack and crashes his plane in some unknown territory, setting up the plot of the story. When we read that chapter aloud in class, we also talked about the symptoms and signs of having a heart attack. Literally every night of my fifth grade year after we read The Hatchet I gave myself heartburn from worrying that I was going to have a heart attack. Then the heartburn made my fear so indescribably horrifying that I couldn't sleep! I'm sure I about drove my mother nuts waking her up at night thinking I was dying. She'd just give me Tums and tell me to relax and eventually the heartburn went away and I'd get over it..until the next night.
In my health class that year, we had to write 2 papers over diseases or disorders, but if I thought about a disease for over a minute, I automatically had it so I bent the rules and wrote my papers over dry skin and chapped lips. I'm not sure how I got away with that.
Another thing I remember is watching something on television about a schizophrenic and then forever being afraid that I would go crazy.
In the sixth grade, we read a book about a blind person and then I was terrified that I was going to lose my sight.
In the seventh grade, a girl in my town became paralyzed from some sort of disorder and then I feared that I would one day wake up and not be able to move.
My sophomore year, a friend of mine told me her dad got in a wreck with another woman who had a seizure while driving on the highway. Aaaaaand guess who was afraid to drive on highways until last year?
The worst part is, I still fear that the same things are going to happen to me! I STILL have fits of fear when I get chest pains or something goes numb. I also have a problem with searching illnesses on webMD, thinking it would make me feel better, but it always makes me feel MORE like I'm dying.
Another thing is that I always know I'm just being anxious, and even if I tell myself "Zoë, you're fine" a million times a minute, I still think I'm dying!
I have to message my sister or best friend usually every time I freak out just to have them tell me, "You're not having a heart attack/stroke" and distract me from my thoughts to get over it.
I'm going to be honest, even typing about these things is giving me anxiety. I know that my sister has this problem and I think my uncle as well, though I'm not sure how severe. I wonder if this is something hereditary and it was bound to happen, or if the whole thing was triggered by fainting one morning because I didn't eat breakfast.
If it's not hereditary, I REALLY regret not eating breakfast.
However, there's nothing I can do now except try to freak out less (which I really have improved a lot since the fifth grade). I hope the other hypochondriacs out there got a laugh out of this because you know you're just as ridiculously obsessed with your health as me and you can't help it.
Here's a clip from the film The Switch with Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston that I found particularly humorous concerning hypochondria.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
"Will you regret not buying this?"
During my two-and-a-half week long Christmas break, I traveled to Switzerland, London and Dublin with my boyfriend. To my surprise, I ended up spending ALL of the money I had saved for living this semester in Aix. I came home with 71 USD, having left with 850 USD. That means I spent almost 800 bucks in 2 weeks. I couldn't figure out what I spent all of my money on because most all of my food was paid for and all of our planned activities were bought ahead of time. I was severely confused until I was talking to one of my friends here in Aix about it and she asked me, "Did you buy a lot of souvenirs?" No..I really didn't buy many souvenirs. Then it hit me. The reason why I returned to France with an overstuffed suitcase and an empty wallet - Shopping.
When we were in Dublin, both of us got pretty sick and couldn't do much and we wound up on the shopping strip two days in a row. Naturally I went a little bezerk...I mean there was a two-story TopShop that was connected to a Mango, next door to a two-story H&M and River Island. It's impossible for me to talk myself out that kind of situation.
And that's what I'm focusing this blog entry around. While I was knee deep in piles of unorganized, 50% off clothing in TopShop, I overheard a couple of girls trying to "talk themselves out" of their future purchases. It made me crack a smile because of how truly often we say the same old phrases to each other (or to ourselves) while contemplating in a shopping center. The conversation went as follows:
"Do you REALLY need another pair of shoes?"
"Well..no I don't NEED them, but I don't have any in this color."
"Do you have room for more shoes in your closet?"
"No..but I can make room."
"Will you regret not buying these shoes?"
"They're half off!"
"In that case you might as well buy them!"
"You're right these are a good deal...lets go look at the dresses."
And the same thing repeats itself ten minutes later when something else catches your eye.
The girls conversing were humorous to me because I had literally just asked myself the same questions about a long sleeve romper I'd found (which by the way, I bought). I have come to the conclusion that this thought process of trying to talk yourself out of buying something is actually more like a ritual to make yourself feel better for spending money on something you don't need. Why do we even kid ourselves? I know I'm not only speaking for myself when I say that when I enter a store I'm absolutely there to buy something. What's the point of shopping if you don't leave with new clothes? That would just be a torturous waste of time. So quit fooling yourself. Asking those same questions again will not change your mind.
I know I'm obviously the pot calling the kettle black, but if you honestly don't want to spend money, don't go shopping where the mannequins and the advertisements tempt you to spend money. It's that simple. It's silly to think we have to reassure ourselves that buying something for ourselves is not a bad thing to do. We deserve a little something every once in a while!
Personally, I probably don't deserve new clothes anymore but..what can ya do. An addiction is an addiction.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Another chance to get it right
As I believe I've mentioned in previous New Year's blog posts, resolutions are just cliché ideas that people get in their heads to make them feel better about themselves for the first 3 weeks of the new year.
However.
I have had the same resolution every year since the 8th grade and I think it's time to actually put it in motion.
What is this resolution in which I so badly have needed to achieve for 7 years?
TO GO TO THE GYM.
L O L NO. Never. Just kidding,
It's also not to eat healthy or to read more. It's much more difficult.
You see, I have this problem of focusing on negative things. My life can be seemingly perfect and yet I find reasons to be upset. I'm a pessimist, I said it. "Being positive" is way harder than it sounds. I can't just wake up and decide to ignore the negative stuff. I'd need some of Lisa Simpson's smiley face pills to achieve that.
If anyone has any ideas or methods that work....please share. And help me look on the bright side of life.
However.
I have had the same resolution every year since the 8th grade and I think it's time to actually put it in motion.
What is this resolution in which I so badly have needed to achieve for 7 years?
TO GO TO THE GYM.
L O L NO. Never. Just kidding,
It's also not to eat healthy or to read more. It's much more difficult.
You see, I have this problem of focusing on negative things. My life can be seemingly perfect and yet I find reasons to be upset. I'm a pessimist, I said it. "Being positive" is way harder than it sounds. I can't just wake up and decide to ignore the negative stuff. I'd need some of Lisa Simpson's smiley face pills to achieve that.
If anyone has any ideas or methods that work....please share. And help me look on the bright side of life.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
YOFO: Ode to the Wolfpack
I haven't got much to write about except for the fact that the semester is ending in a week. This means that the majority of the friends I've made in Aix are all going home.
I won't go into distinct detail, but I'll miss so much about each of you when you're gone, and I'm thankful to have met you. Good luck on your future endeavors and I hope we'll meet again one day!
I won't go into distinct detail, but I'll miss so much about each of you when you're gone, and I'm thankful to have met you. Good luck on your future endeavors and I hope we'll meet again one day!
Friday, December 12, 2014
Things that make me hate being a girl
If you think being a girl is all frills and flowers...I have compiled a list of things that happen to me regularly that could possibly prove your thinking wrong,
1) When your foundation decides to explode in your makeup bag and then it's all over EVERYTHING, including your hands, which means it's all over your clothes and then you just cry a little bit and ask yourself why you wanted to put on makeup in the first place.
2) If you're a girl with long hair- there's strands of that long hair of yours all over your apartment. Like, sweeping the floor creates a massive monster ball of hair and it makes you want to vomit. Oh and when you're in the shower, you have WET strands of your long hair stuck all over your body.
3) When it's that time of the month and all you want is everything chocolate, so you go out and buy a package of cookie dough, which makes you happy, but then when you've eaten all the cookie dough, you cry because you're fat. Hormones, man.
4) Speaking of hormones- You literally cry about everything and anything. Watching Dr. Phil: Crying. Watching a ballet: Crying. Seeing a plastic bag blowing through the wind: Crying because you're reminded of American Beauty. Just bought the best pair of shoes ever: Crying because you're soooo happy. I seriously don't go a day without crying.
5) When your closet is full of clothes and yet you can't find a single thing to wear. There are times where it frustrates you so bad that you just sit on your floor in your underwear...and eat chocolate...and probably cry.
6) When you're made fun of for being "basic," Listen, I get it, it's hilarious how typical girls can be. But seriously, can't I just drink my PSL in my leggings and boots IN PEACE?! Sheesh.
7) I haven't had a manicure in a while but just as an FYI: Breaking a nail seriously hurts.
1) When your foundation decides to explode in your makeup bag and then it's all over EVERYTHING, including your hands, which means it's all over your clothes and then you just cry a little bit and ask yourself why you wanted to put on makeup in the first place.
2) If you're a girl with long hair- there's strands of that long hair of yours all over your apartment. Like, sweeping the floor creates a massive monster ball of hair and it makes you want to vomit. Oh and when you're in the shower, you have WET strands of your long hair stuck all over your body.
3) When it's that time of the month and all you want is everything chocolate, so you go out and buy a package of cookie dough, which makes you happy, but then when you've eaten all the cookie dough, you cry because you're fat. Hormones, man.
4) Speaking of hormones- You literally cry about everything and anything. Watching Dr. Phil: Crying. Watching a ballet: Crying. Seeing a plastic bag blowing through the wind: Crying because you're reminded of American Beauty. Just bought the best pair of shoes ever: Crying because you're soooo happy. I seriously don't go a day without crying.
5) When your closet is full of clothes and yet you can't find a single thing to wear. There are times where it frustrates you so bad that you just sit on your floor in your underwear...and eat chocolate...and probably cry.
6) When you're made fun of for being "basic," Listen, I get it, it's hilarious how typical girls can be. But seriously, can't I just drink my PSL in my leggings and boots IN PEACE?! Sheesh.
7) I haven't had a manicure in a while but just as an FYI: Breaking a nail seriously hurts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)