Recently my older sister asked me if I was gay. She genuinely wanted to know if I liked girls. To answer the question, I'm straight. People sometimes wonder if I'm gay because I don't date. I decided to explain my reasons behind why I don't date in this blog to clear the air. I'll sum it up in one sentence: It's not worth it.
I cannot stress this enough. Dating is not worth everything it brings to the table. There's a few positives of having a significant other; I'm aware of that. Sure, you have a date to every event. You have someone to cuddle with when you need to be held. You have someone who thinks you're beautiful no matter what (other than your mother). However, there is at least double the amount of negatives.
Starting off, the first few weeks of "talking" before it's more serious are the worst few weeks anyone could endure. Of course there's puppy love and butterflies but there's also the torment of, "does he even like me as much as I like him?" "Why isn't he texting me back?" or the best one, "He probably just wants to get laid." The mental torture that your brain goes through during this iffy time is enough to cause several panic attacks in one day. Personally, I can't stand the wondering. I'm impatient. I need to KNOW how you feel about me up front or I'm going to lose it, wondering about it.
Secondly, the first few weeks or so of actually being committed to each other is just as horrific. MEETING THE PARENTS. I for one can speak for all socially awkward noobs out there in saying that meeting the parents of someone you really like for the first time is one of the most horrendous experiences. What do I wear? How should I act? Should I address them by their first names? I am probably the worst person with first impressions, hands down. No matter what I can always count on embarrassing myself in some way or another. Another terrible thing about the "honeymoon phase" is the actually getting to know what makes someone tick. I mean, you'll get in your first fight over something because you're still unsure of how he'll react to things. I can't handle that. I'M SORRY that your team lost. It's a game. Don't get butt hurt about it. Oh, now you're mad that I told you not to get mad. Oh, okay.
A third negative of dating is when you've been together for a while and you should know everything that will make him mad. Now is the time where you're just petty with each other. "Sometimes I think you like my friends more than you like me. Might as well date them" "OH MY GOD WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME" or even the parenting vibe where they're like, "You really need to do your homework. It's due tomorrow." Things of that nature are the most IRRITATING. Hi, I've been dating you a while now soo you should probably trust me and stop being jealous of everything I do. Also, nagging me does not make me feel more comfortable with you. It makes me want to jump out a window.
Lastly, I cannot handle couples who can't go an hour without talking to each other. Awhhhh he's your "better half" and you "don't know what you would do without him" how cute. No. Be your own person. Have your own life. Enjoy alone time. Create yourself into the person you want to be...ESPECIALLY before you try to shape another person's life to fit yours. Along the same lines, make yourself happy. I am a firm believer in putting yourself first. I know, I sound horrible and vain and self centered and heartless blah blah blah but this is MY life. There is no possible way for me to always make everyone else happy and I definitely cannot do that if I am not happy to begin with.
In summary, the hand holding and date nights might be fun but they do not outweigh the torment, irritation, aggravation, and potential humiliation that is dating. All in all, it is not worth it. It's NEVER worth it. In the mean time, I'll be enjoying my time with my friends and myself. I'll be finding myself. I'll be happy and embarrassment free without the stress of wondering "does he still like me" or "am I good enough."
I'm good enough for myself and that's all that matters. If a knight in shining armor wants to swoop up and try to change my mind, he can be my guest. However he will most like just be a regular dude in a gray sweat suit. The smoke and mirrors do not work on me, folks.
