Alright so I'm going to start out this blog saying that it was NOT written for attention. I am not doing this for pity or anything like it; I just wanna get this out.
My whole life I've considered myself to be pretty. I'm not trying to sound conceited either, I'm just saying that I've been confident most of my life. I mean, I've had a few conceited moments in my life here and there, but isn't that healthy? (Examples: Damn my hair is cute! My eyes look pretty in the sunlight. I feel hot in this outfit!) Cheesy examples, I know. Anyway, I've always in some way or another felt pretty but since I moved away to college I have realized that there is SO much competition in the world. I don't mean that I'm battling girls to be the most beautiful, but there are A LOT more pretty girls than there are in just Vincennes. For example, my room mates look like their 25. It's like the only girls that are ''desirable'' on a college campus are the ones that are super tall and tan and lean and athletic except their hair is down to their waist. Let's be honest, I am NONE of that. I'm short, with short hair, and can't get a dark tan to save my life. I'm not saying I'm fat, because I'm not, but I don't have the perfect flat tummy that's what to strive for.
Last night I literally looked through each of my profile pictures on facebook, figuring out what I need that I DON'T have. The list is endless and I cant even change myself enough to become what I ''should'' be. I don't WANT to change, but I do feel out of place. I mean, back in Vincennes my friends and I were all about the same height, same weight, and all looked a lot younger than we really were. That was fine in Vincennes. That was almost normal ! However in college, or Evansville, it's normal to look like you're a model in your mid twenties.
After going over this whole set of ideas and realizations last night I came to a conclusion. I AM pretty. I'm not the same type of pretty as most of the girls I know on campus, but I'm pretty. I may look younger, but that's only going to be a good thing in the future. I shouldn't waste my time comparing myself to other girls, but I do it anyway because my nature. I'm not really a jealous person, but I'm a girl. I have moments of low self-esteem. I feel like it's going to take a long time for me to realize for sure that I am myself and people will be okay with that as long as I am. Also there are going to be people who think I'm ugly. I'm okay with that.
